This has been a year to celebrate the thirtieth year.
“The thirtieth year of what?”, you might ask.
The answer: several things, but one big thing.
It’s the thirtieth anniversary of my first day at Goble Properties. Not a big deal, but when was the last time you met somebody who had the same job for 30-years?
It’s also the thirtieth anniversary of our college graduation. D’Aun and I both went to Westmont, and we look forward to the October reunion.
I lost thirty pounds this year. Actually, this summer. And actually, I’m not done losing yet. But I made a pledge to D’Aun to lose thirty pounds, and I have. That feels good.
There are lots of other “thirties” this year. The thirtieth anniversary of Belize’s independence. The thirtieth anniversary of the Space Shuttle. The thirty years of Mubarak came to an end. Heck, it’s even the 30th anniversary of MTV. And Metallica.
But all of that is mere background noise compared to the really important thirtieth.
Later this month it is D’Aun and my thirtieth anniversary. Thirty years of marriage. Wow. It’s hard to imagine. D’Aun is as gorgeous as ever, as loving as ever, as fun to be with as ever. At times I think this marriage stuff is easy, but that’s mostly because she is easy to love.
The truth is that marriage is not easy. Both of us worked hard to stay in love all this time. From the romance of early love, through the busy years of raising kids, to the current stage of empty nest, we’ve always been each others best friend. I’ve heard it said that to be truly counter-cultural in this world, have a successful marriage. We managed to do just that.
People often ask us what the secret to a good marriage is. It’s not a secret. It’s just common sense. Well, common sense and a lot of grace from God.
It’s choosing to be in love even when you don’t feel like it. It’s being honest without being mean. It’s communicating — but only after taking the time to figure out what you really mean before you say it. It’s being intentional about time together and finding ways to enjoy each others interests. It’s compromise without bitterness. It’s humility without inequality. It’s doing all you can to help your spouse be better than yourself … and knowing the whole time that they already are.
In short, it’s practicing the art of loving.
Of course, you can do all of those things and still encounter challenges. Disaster, even.
And that’s where grace comes in. Not only grace expressed toward each other, but grace that comes from God. D’Aun and I have been blessed by this. Grace is more than just forgiveness — or perhaps forgiveness is more than just the absence of offense. Grace is peace of mind. Confidence. Trust. Emotional stability that comes from spiritual assurance. Assurance that you aren’t as bad as you (or others) think you are. Assurance that your spouse is a better person, a better soul, than you had ever dreamed. Grace provides all of that, and it creates equals between spouses.
Thirty years of marriage. Hard to believe. And wonderful at the same time. I love my wife, and I’ve been incredibly lucky. No … I’ve been blessed. By Grace.
