A friend recently asked me what was going to happen in 2012. I looked at him curiously … why would he think I’d have a clue? He persisted, “Make some predictions. I’m curious what you are thinking.”
Well … hmmm …
I never did answer him and instead promised a junkyard wisdom post about the question. So, at the risk of looking like a total idiot a year from now, here are ten predictions for 2012.
1. The economy is going to slowly improve. Liberals will decry even fatter Wall Street bonuses as they brag about a recovery under an Obama administration. Conservatives will decry the slow pace of the recovery as they continue collecting their bonuses.
2. The world will not end in a Mayan apocalypse on December 21. But Harold Camping is going to create a mathematical formula showing they were only off by three months.
3. The Occupy Whatever folks are going to become a tired storyline. Then they’ll join forces with the Tea Party and everybody will realize that Rupert Murdock is the one percent.
4. Obama will be re-elected but it will be extremely close; the media will freak out about a possible electoral vote win for a Republican who didn’t win the popular vote. Supreme Court Justice Al Gore will say, “Not on my watch.”
5. London’s Olympics are going to be wonderful. But like a British car, the event will have hiccups along the way. The French will leave irritated about … well, everything.
6. Kanye West will marry Taylor Swift. Two months later he’ll apologize for their divorce via twitter.
7. China will keep growing and become more aggressive. Russia will shrink and become more aggressive. Brazil will keep growing and become less aggressive. India will shrink and become less aggressive. Viagra ads will … well, you figure it out.
8. A 21-year old Stanford dropout is going to invent a Star Trek style transporter. He will sell it to Priceline and William Shatner will make ads promoting the “No Jet-Lag World Tour.”
9. Hawaii will secede from the Union and reinstate the Hawaiian Monarchy. Donald Trump will say it’s an outrage and an insult to America, then promptly begin marketing beachside homes in Oahu as tax havens.
10. The Giants will win in 7 games against the Oakland A’s, the 49ers will win the Superbowl, the Sharks will finally win the Stanley Cup, and nobody will care who wins the NBA Championship. Then in a major shock to all the good ol’ boys, a white wine sipping Italian playboy millionaire will win the NASCAR championship.
The last one might be a stretch, but hey, it could happen. Right?