The tragic violence in Tucson has led to more conversation about civility in our society. Whether the action of an unstable young man was fueled by the violent language of politics or not is important, of course. I tend to think that he was not. But having said that, this is the time to reflect on a key point that too many have forgotten: our words matter.
Democratic Congressman and Methodist minister Emanuel Cleaver said it well, “Whether the shooter was inspired by speech or not to do his dastardly deeds is irrelevant. The truth of the matter is the tone is toxic here in Washington, and we have been exporting it around the country.” Amen.
But it’s even broader than Washington. It’s in the media, of course. And in business at times. It’s in the pulpit far too often. It’s in our sports, our neighborhoods, and our PTA meetings … sometimes in subtle nuanced ways, and sometimes in reckless ways.
The truth is that we’ve lost sight of how words can project images that create strong emotional responses. Or no … I want to correct myself. We’ve learned EXACTLY how to use words to create strong emotional responses, whether to demonize a political opponent or sell us a bottle of soda. What we’ve lost sight of is the responsibility that comes with that ability.
Weeks before the shootings in Tucson I had written on my to-do list, “Write a blog entry on civility in arguments.” My idea was that a sure way to be a change agent is to enter into every negotiation, every argument, and every discussion with a simple idea in mind: I’m prepared to change my opinion. In fact, begin those conversations with a desire to change your opinion. Truly seek out the other persons perspective on something, whether it’s a budget cut at work or a philosophical discourse on the purpose of government.
If you really did this, several changes would occur. First, you’d by necessity have to use more civil language. You can’t very well call a person an idiotic toad if you are trying to agree with them. Second, you will have to actually listen. That’s a lost art and one that needs to be revived in our society! And third, you will approach every opportunity to communicate with others in a humble mindset. Humility may be the least used most powerful tool on the planet.
Think how our public forums would change if we began every debate, conversation, communication, media blitz, negotiation or collaborative effort with a mindset of civility, a desire to listen, and a humble spirit. It’s not a coincidence that these three things reflect our heart, mind, and soul.
So the next time you have to meet with a budget director at work … the next time you disagree with your kids little league coach … the next time your see differently than your pastor … the next time you see “that idiot congressman” on the television … the next time you argue with your spouse … remember that words matter. Your heart, mind and soul are reflected in those words.