If you are like me, you’ve lost count of the times a politician lied, a business person cheated, or a celebrity did something incredibly stupid. Sadly, we have also lost count of the times those people failed to admit their mistakes. They rationalized their decisions, created excuses, or perpetuated a lie.
It’s maddening. And sad. They fool nobody, but the behavior persists. Why?
Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson have written Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me) to explore that question. With keen scientific minds they dig for the mental and social reasons why we seldom admit to our mistakes. Is it something in our brain that triggers this? Do we really believe what we are saying? Are we just all liars? Are we simply irrational? Or does our memory deceive us in some way?
The challenging part of this book is that it doesn’t let any of us off the hook. Sure, celebrities and politicians are the examples we love to criticize … but we are all guilty of it, even if in little ways. None of us like to own up for mistakes made. All of us seek ways to justify our decisions, even the bad ones. It might not be decisions that impact millions of people or billions of dollars, but we still make wrong decisions and then do our best to distance ourselves from them.
The book takes us through a variety of issues, from lying politicians to overzealous social workers who unknowingly coerce children into stories about abuse that never happened. The authors look at basic police work and the methods used for interviewing suspects. They spend time looking at why marriages fail. The topics are varied and the studies cited are compelling.
At one point in the book I was so amused at the findings, while also so impressed with the counterintuitive thinking of the authors, that it felt like I was reading a Malcolm Gladwell book. In fact, this is a combination of Gladwell-style psychology and Freakonomics-style social research.
In the end, the authors honor the noteworthy few who admit their mistakes and avoid falling into the trap of self-delusion. The book is really a celebration of seeking truth, even if that truth isn’t what we want to hear or goes against our instincts. But it is also a book that is humbling, for you’ll find that all of us are capable of creating excuses or lies when we should really just say, “I messed up, and I’m sorry.”
This book is highly recommended to anybody with questions about this crazy culture we live in, or who have a passion for seeking truth. Great stuff.
