I recently heard about a friend going through a very difficult divorce. She is married to a man who has done some despicable things and he doesn’t deserve her. It saddened me, and it once again made me think, “How can we get men to hold up half the sky?”
No, this isn’t a book review of the latest from Nicholas Kristof and his well known book about women holding up half the sky. It’s a follow up to a post from 2011 when I was in Thailand with The SOLD Project.
In that post I stated that we had to do more than empower women. Let’s not forget that men hold up the other half of the sky and many of them need help too.
I believe in empowering women. All the studies show that educated women creates prosperity, equality, fairness and openness in a society. I support organizations that focus on this. The SOLD Project and PathLight are two great examples.
But we cannot empower women and say our job is finished. Sometimes we create unexpected consequences.
Here’s an example. Saudi Arabia is one of the least progressive countries when it comes to women’s rights. But there are an increasing number of women who are educated, outspoken, and willful about their lives.
What has been an unexpected change? Divorce. It’s skyrocketing in Saudi Arabia. Perhaps the most traditionally Muslim nation in the world is seeing a giant rise in divorce statistics.
Now a lot of folks will point to this as a good thing. They will say that women are finally allowed out of downright dangerous marriages. I completely understand and am not trying to argue otherwise.
But let’s not forget the men who largely created those unhealthy marriages. They operate within their historical and cultural context and are showing an inability to adapt. The needs of women were addressed without doing much to change the behavior or expectations of the men.
That’s sad. It speaks to the weakness of efforts to reach, teach, and change the hearts of men.
I’m not trying to pick on Saudi Arabia here. Divorce rates in Saudi Arabia are clearly anecdotal to my point. I see the same phenomena expressed in a variety of ways, from fewer American men going to college (true since 1977) to minimalist efforts to provide therapy for men with sexual addictions.
Yes, women hold up half the sky. No argument from me on that point. But men still hold up the other half. And when men stop doing their part, it hurts everybody. Men have a different set of needs as society changes, and the methods being used to meet those needs is falling short.