You ever look at the online gift guides for guys? Wow, what a waste of time. Whoever makes these lists aren’t the guys I know. Actually, I suspect they aren’t guys at all.
So I decided to make my own list. A junkyard gift list. Not the traditional nonsense like silk ties or metrosexual garbage like personal grooming tools. This is a list inspired by the guys I knew growing up in the wrecking yard (minus the obscene and illegal…well, mostly).
Twelve gifts, different price ranges, all equally cool:
Stocking stuffer (around $10): A basic Zippo Lighter
Stocking stuffer redux (around $10): In the wrecking yard, soap could be as caustic as the grease and oil. But it worked. They don’t make that stuff anymore but you can still buy D-Lead Abrasive Hand Soap
Stocking stuffer redux 2 (around $10): Every car part was marked with paint from a bottle. My first job (at age six) was to mark tires and I’d be covered in yellow paint. Still, it was fun. Still is, even if it’s just for a project in the garage. Here’s a modern (meaning cheap) version
The uncle you see once a year (around $20): The guys I knew in the wrecking yard drank nasty coffee. Seems like Death Wish Coffee would suffice. A little pricey compared to basic Folger’s, but hey it’s Christmas.
That strange cousin who reads (around $20): Other than my brother, most of the guys I knew in the wrecking yard wouldn’t read a book. Still, if you’ve got a guy on your wish list who does read, check out Junkyard Planet
The beer lover (around $25): Giving beer is boring. It’s not like a guy can’t find it on his own. Besides, beer is what guys expect as payment for doing you a favor, not as a Christmas present. But finding a bottle opener made from a 50 caliber bullet? Now that’s cool.
The veteran (around $30): All guys want a well made, no-nonsense, good fitting t-shirt they can get dirty, wear out, and eventually use for washing the car. Oscar Mike is a solid choice. Some cool designs, plus they support veterans.
The guy who stands all day (around $50): When you work on your feet you don’t much care if your shoes are fashionable. The key is comfort and sturdiness. Is there anything that says American worker more than Caterpillar
The old timer (around $75): Before debt was a national pastime, most transactions were done in cash. If you know an old timer like that you should give them a Rawlings (yeah, like the baseball company) leather money clip
The risk taker (from whatever to higher): Look, I know they are illegal and dangerous, but guys love fireworks. Not the safe and sane type, but the holy-gawdalmighty-we’re-going-to-go-to-jail-when-the-town-library-burns-down type. Bail not included.
The protector (from $100 to $200): Guys love to protect. Others can debate the nature vs nurture stuff. Doesn’t matter. Bottom line, guys want to protect the things they care for. The Zombie Annihilation Mancrate is the perfect gift for the protector in your life.
The mechanic (unlimited): The guys in the wrecking yard loved anything with wheels and an engine. Whether it’s the supercool Ziesel, the huge Belaz, or the DTV Shredder, guys love stuff on wheels. One thing all car guys know, though, is you aren’t really a grease monkey until you’ve owned a beat up Alfa Romeo in need of restoration.
Oh, and what’s on my list? I’m kinda hoping I get Starbucks gift cards for my daily latte fix.