Last week was my final meeting on a board I joined almost 18-years ago. Eventually I might rejoin the board, but it feels strange to step aside from something that has been a big part of my life.
It reminded me of this story, which I shared a few years ago. I’ve refreshed it and am posting again because the advice from this mentor was so powerful. Here goes:
Many years ago I joined a board of directors for a reasonably large organization. It was an honor to be invited, and I wanted to help the organization in the best possible way. The first meetings covered finance, marketing, staff compensation, and any number of other issues. Wanting to help, I did my best to offer my thoughts on all the subjects.
Perhaps I wanted to do too much, though. After one particularly long session, one of the longest-serving board members pulled me aside. He was a good 30-years older than me, and he asked if he could speak freely.
Uh-oh, I thought, what did I say? But of course I encouraged him to share freely.
It turns out it wasn’t what I said. It was how much I said. My fellow board member, who later became a mentor, said gently, “Hold back a little in the conversations. Nobody cares if you are the smartest one in the room. Instead, be the one in the room who cares for everybody. Step back a bit, listen attentively, and use fewer words to express more.”
Feeling like a schoolboy who had just been reprimanded by the headmaster, I stared at my shoes as I mumbled, “Yes, thank you, great advice.” I started to say more and then remembered his advice, so I stopped there. He smiled as he saw me catch myself. I smiled and looked back at my shoes.
It was great advice to share. Brilliant advice, actually. It was embarrassing at the time, but it kept me from even more embarrassing moments. Best of all, it changed my perspective about what it means to serve. Sometimes it is tackling the nuts and bolts of a challenge, but sometimes it is listening and caring for others. Discerning which is which takes wisdom.
The one line that sticks out the most? “Nobody cares if you are the smartest one in the room.” That sentence knocked my ego down to size.
It reminded me of a painting we keep in the conference room of my office. It shows eight people sitting around a conference table. Each is frantically waving a toilet plunger in the air, or using them as swords against each other, or slamming them against the table. It is simultaneously hilarious and sad as these eight people all attempt to be the loudest, smartest, and most noticed person in the room. With toilet plungers.
What a great metaphor for how we behave sometimes. I’ve had that artwork on the wall for nearly 30 years now, and it still reminds me of the advice my mentor gave me.
Any of us who work in groups can learn from his advice. Whether you are working with a team, leading your employees, or serve on a board, we would all do well to focus more on others than trying to be the smartest person in the room. Otherwise, we just look like we’re waving toilet plungers in the air.
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