Have we forgotten how to listen? Have we forgotten how to communicate? Is it all just slogans, memes, and bumperstickers these days? Are those mostly written to be abrasive and provoke others, as they reaffirm our own bias?
I’m not quite ready to say, “Yes, yes, yes, and yes.” But we’re getting close. The tone is sometimes too toxic for listening. Which is sad.
Freedom of speech is at the bedrock of our nation and our culture. It is our strength. But as with all strengths, it can be leveraged against us. It’s easy to divide people simply by saying something inflammatory.
For instance, people, lobbyists, governments, and bots often post outrageous opinions right under the noses of those most likely to be disgusted by those ideas. We see these posts and assume all of “those people” hold extremist ideas … when in fact most of people are more moderate than we realize.
This is reinforced by the news — which feeds us outrage because they know it’s addictive. Radio stations, podcasts, and other platforms cater to one specific audience without regard for anyone outside their narrow framework. And social media has sadly become a mud slinging contest. People post memes which reinforce their opinions, often without even realizing it uses trigger words meant to upset others.
You know how to stop all this?
Become an active listener. Practice empathy in your listening, so you can really hear the other side. You still might not agree, but you will have a better understanding. Hearing the other viewpoint is the first step toward finding practical solutions.
Let’s also find ways to communicate without using trigger words (and by listening you’ll find out what those words are). Discipline yourself to share ideas without attempting to “win” a debate, and without allowing our own bias to seep into the conversation. Far too often we communicate to our friends by offending those who see things different than we do. Let’s stop that.
Basically, let’s take a deep breath and work together, even if we disagree.
My friend Steve Goble (no relation as far as we know) has a mentor, Patrick Jinks, who shared something worth posting here. I’ll end with his insight because it’s an excellent first step toward truly listening to others.
YEAH, BUT…
by Patrick Jinks
A few thoughts I’d like to share.
“Yeah, but…” doesn’t solve problems. And it happens on all sides of the political spectrum. All the time.
Here are some examples I see…
George Floyd was senselessly murdered.
“Yeah, but looting and rioting isn’t the answer.”
True, but problem unsolved.
Police brutality, particularly against black men is a real thing and keeps happening.
“Yeah, but most cops are good.”
True, but problem unsolved.
Black men are more likely to die at the hands of police than white men.
“Yeah but white people die too.”
True, but problem unsolved.
It’s not just this issue.
Joe Biden faces an allegation of sexual assault.
“Yeah but Trump has more…”
“Yeah, but Bill Clinton…”
“Yeah, but Brett Kavanaugh…”
Uh-huh. Problem unsolved.
COVID-19 has killed over 100K in the U.S.
“Yeah, but car accidents and the flu kill too”…
True, but problem unsolved.
Criminal looting on Main Street…
“Yeah, but corporate looting on Wall Street…”
Illegal immigration…
“Yeah, but Christopher Columbus…”
If a conservative says it, there are plenty of “Yeah, buts” to offer.
If a liberal says it, there are plenty of “yeah buts” to offer.
Is “yeah, but” legitimate?
Well….yeah, but it doesn’t solve problems. (See what I did there?)
One true problem or fact doesn’t resolve another. How can we take these one at a time and discuss real solutions? Are we capable of that anymore with our current political lines drawn as they are? It’s so tiring.
I am guilty of “Yeah but-ism.” The funny thing is that my liberal friends assume I am a Trumpster, and my conservative friends think I am a liberal. It turns out I am neither a Republican nor a Democrat, and I have views on all sides of many things. I try to remain open while embracing my own values. I too want answers, but they are hard to find in the ambiance of “yeah, but.”
The current dialogue in our country (particularly its tone) is so abrasive that it loses credibility on all sides. It makes us all not want to listen. It doesn’t inspire listening.
This post will likely draw more criticism in this hyper-critical environment we are in. I will just say this: If you fact check me in the comments, I will assume you missed the point.