Every now and then somebody asks me to mentor them. I suppose this is God’s way of reminding me I’m getting older. But it is also God’s way of reminding me to give back.
For much of my young adult life I wanted a good mentor but never could find one. It wasn’t until my late 40’s that I found a few. So I’m sympathetic to those who approach me.
But just because I sympathize doesn’t mean I agree to do it. Many of the people who ask get a “no, sorry” response. In my head a few get a “hell, no” response, but I don’t say it out loud.
Usually the request to be a mentor is the start of a conversation which might lead to mentoring. I ask a few questions to figure out if it’s a good fit. The first question is seemingly simple but the answer can be incredibly revealing:
“What do you want to learn?“
One young guy approached me about mentoring and this question threw him for a loop. He was in his mid-30’s, an intelligent guy, doing his best to live a faithful life. There was (and is) much to admire about this young man, and I want to make that clear here because I’m about to make him sound really stupid.
Over coffee he eventually, awkwardly, got around to asking me if I’d mentor him. His indirect way of asking and his lack of confidence in the question set off warning lights in my head (yes, I really do have warning lights in my head; had them installed when I worked in the junkyard).
So I asked him , “What do you want to learn?”
He looked at me with a blank expression. “Um, what do you mean?” he finally said.
“I mean what do you want to learn? You’re asking me to invest time, energy, and wisdom into your life. What do you want to learn about life?”
There was a profoundly uncomfortable few seconds as he bumbled around trying to figure out how to answer the question. He never really did, other than cliche’s we’ve all heard before.
So I said, “Why don’t you take some time and think about that, then we’ll meet again. Maybe you’ll have an answer and we can go from there.”
He’s a good person, but his lack of proactive thought about what he wants from a relationship was laid bare by one simple good question. The warning light in my head is still flashing.
I never did mentor him. But he eventually answered the question (and found a better mentor).
Every now and then someone has an incredible answer to the question. The best was, “I want to learn what God loves.”
Wow. That still has me thinking! As you might guess, I agreed to be a mentor.
If you are at the point in life when having a little grey hair and an affinity for comfortable shoes is the norm, you might be asked to mentor younger people. If so, remember to ask, “So, what do you want to learn?”