What might a generous friendship look like? Typically we think of a friend who is kind, loving, and supportive. Thank God for friends like that. They are indeed generous friends.
But sometimes we need friends who kick our butts. Actually that’s not quite true. We always need friends who kick our butts. It’s often the most generous thing we can receive.
This has happened to me three times over the last month. For which I’m thankful – if still a bit grumpy.
The first was when a long time friend reminded me of something I said decades ago. I cringed when I heard him say it because it would not be something I’d say today. Which made me reflect – what am I saying today that I will regret a decade from now? Friends who kick our butts get us to ask questions like that.
Another friend and I were emailing about plans we have for a future project. I explained a couple of technical steps and he shot back a firm, “No, don’t do that. You need to do this instead…” It was bold, blunt, almost condescending. But it was also true. It made me thankful for a friend who was comfortable pushing back on my ideas.
The third friend challenged one of my many cynical opinions. “That’s not a constructive way to think about it,” is really all she said. It made me defensive at first, but on reflection it made me more self-aware. Over time it pushed me to find a solution for a small but vexing problem.
This kind of “butt kicking” friend is needed. I call them my “friends don’t let friends drink Pinot” friends. Now you might like Pinot Noir and that’s fine. But I can’t stand the stuff, at least not the affordable Pinot. It tastes like kool-aid with pop rocks. Or as a family member said, it’s the skim milk of the wine world.
Over the past two weekends we’ve shared some good wines with friends. On the first weekend a friend brought an amazing bottle of Napa Cabernet Sauvignon specifically because he knew I’d never had it. On the second weekend other friends brought a highly regarded Rioja from Spain that stunned us all for its rich fruit.
These friends are the encouragers, the folks who express a generous friendship by giving, loving, and encouraging. I’m thankful for them.
But, as much as I hate to admit it, I also appreciate the friends who kick my butt. They won’t let me drink Pinot. Thank God.
Photo by me. It’s how I set my Pinot aside in the cellar.