A bit of advice for young parents.
There is no such thing as a brilliant parent. Duh. We all make mistakes, and I’m sure my kids can give you an embarrassingly long list of mine.
A few weeks ago I watched my adult daughter read the Christmas story to my 97-year old mother. As we were leaving, my adult son gave hug after hug to my mom. There was something to cherish in that visit.
That something was love. The love of a grandmother for her grandchildren. The love of the elderly. The love of a matriarch that has seen so much. The love of family.
My parents were flawed just like the rest of us. They made mistakes. They sometimes hurt me and my siblings. Granted, they were significantly better than most. I was fortunate. But they were not brilliant or perfect.
Arguably I turned out okay. Actually, at the risk of sounding arrogant, it’s not arguable. I did. As did my siblings. We have our hang-ups of course, and we still carry scars as all people do. But in general, we turned out strong, wise, kind, and balanced.
What did my parents do that overcame their mistakes? How did this happen?
The answer was in that room with my children and my mother.
It’s love.
Even when my parents lost their temper, or said something harsh, or were unjust, or simply ignored me . . . they loved me. And I knew it.
They loved me even when I had zero intention of loving them back. They loved me when I made big mistakes. They loved me when I was embarrassed by them. They even loved me when I lied to them.
And I knew this. It encouraged and humbled me at the same time. It gave me peace and confidence. It gave me a model to follow.
So to the young parents who are asking questions about how to parent well, I’ll just say this:
Love your kids. Make sure they know they are loved. Never, ever stop loving them. Be irrationally generous with your love.
Do that, and they’ll be fine.
So will you.
Because the people we hurt the most will be those who do not know how much we love them.