The year is done, thank goodness. Not that it was all bad — some really wonderful things happened in 2023. Those were the highs. And then there were lows. It was a rollercoaster year.
One event of the year was my 65th birthday. Typically it’s the age a person moves into retirement. Not me. The form filling lady at Medicare kept asking me why I continued working, and when I answered, “Because I enjoy working,” she was truly flummoxed. I suppose I’d be flummoxed too if I filled out forms for Medicare all day.
But I did wonder, what would I do if I actually retired? For your amusement, here is my top ten list:
- I’d buy a beat up old truck and park it too close to vehicles whose drivers either parked their car too close to the line or who take two parking spaces. “Oh sorry, you can’t get into your car now? Wow, that’s a bummer.”
- I’d routinely change my job status on LinkedIn just so people would congratulate me on the new position. You can never get enough dopamine from social media posts.
- I’d start a protest movement against media companies who air annoying commercials. Seriously, is the Cars for Kids jingle Satanic? It always makes me switch channels.
- I’d apply to be a SF Giants balldude. That would be awesome.
- I’d post donut coupons outside health food stores just to see if anyone gets the joke. If they did I’d give them a coupon for a donut.
- Then I’d post posters for diet plans outside donut shops.
- I’d have long conversations with telemarketers and pollsters so you wouldn’t have to. You are welcome.
- I’d wrap caution tape around the Pinot Noir section of the local wine shop. It’s a public service.
- I’d design my tombstone so it said “Space for Lease” with my mobile number. The tombstone would ring when someone called.
- I’d offer face painting to subsidize my Social Security (see below).
Hope you have a very Happy New Year!
